i can't stop reading my tarot cards
and hoping they will breathe happiness into me.
i'm making up love spells and mumbling them into my pillow
until my voice goes raw with a hope that will never knock.
my heart is numb with loving so much and
being loved so little.
i understand now how the women of greek myths
went mad with all the passion in their hearts.
i feel the contents of my soul
tugging the seams loose and screaming for release.
i have so much to give yet no one to take it all
and let me know i am not alone.
how maddening it is, to love yourself
and to know how very much you are worth.
and to know there is no one but you
to appreciate such a spirit.
i want to be loved
to be loved to be loved to be loved to be loved.
and this desire will kill me
regardless of if it is filled or not.
i am the serpent in my own garden
i am poisoning myself.