mistress

she walks in front of me, not looking back
her bare thighs brush the tall grass out of the way
and i follow in her wake
helplessly, happily.
she stands so tall it guilts me into doing the same
but all i want to do is
to shrink into her incredible shadow.
she runs my life
she is my ringmaster.
she has an unpredictable schedule,
and does as she pleases,
and i am completely hers.
and it has been like this for all of my time on earth,
and it seems like it will continue like this
for the rest of my time on earth
(and probably after, too).
i don't mind her.
with her, i feel everything
every stranger crying on the bus and
every stressful day in my mother's job and
every touch and look he gives me and
every time he breaks my heart a little more.
and yes, it hurts
to feel everything in this world,
and i think she enjoys my pain, to be honest.
but with her i am alive
and i'd rather be alive than dead
and the way i see it,
a life without feeling is just death.
she is cruel but she is home
and she has built me this world of endless empathy
and i'm grateful i'm not homeless.

Anise Dorsey